Unconditional Love
What does unconditional love mean to you?
What does unconditional love feel like? What does it require? Why is it important?
What is the opposite of unconditional love? What are some of the conditions or requirements that you or others have placed on love?
Are there certain instances where it's better for love to be conditional, or should it always be unconditional?
Who are you in an unconditionally loving relationship with?
Are you in any relationships where you or the other person loves unconditionally, but it is not reciprocated?
What makes it difficult to love unconditionally?
How can we promote more unconditional love in our world? What would that world look and feel like?
How might learning to love others unconditionally help us better love ourselves?
How might learning to love ourselves unconditionally help us more authentically love others?
What's something you want to take from this conversation into this weekend?
Unconditional love - does it exist? Is it even practical? We all have our own immediate answers to this question. Some believe it to be very true because they have in fact experienced it themselves. Others might say that the power to love unconditionally, or without any judgment, is above the human capability and is reserved for God. Some have been hearing this theme of unconditional love come up during times of grief and wanting to grow in their spirituality. Some believe those who are very highly spiritual beings are capable of experiencing unconditional love both within themselves and towards others.
But what is love? In the English language, we really have one word to describe a broad range of love including self-love, family love, friendship love, significant other love, loving our pets, and so many more. The Greeks, on the other hand have many words to describe very specific kinds of love, such as:
Eros – Romantic, Passionate Love (Of the Body)
Philia – Affectionate, Friendly Love
Storge – Unconditional, Familial Love
Agape – Selfless, Universal Love
Ludus – Playful, Flirtatious Love
Pragma – Committed, Long-Lasting Love
Philautia – Self Love
When talking about unconditional love in the English language, it is most associated with Agape, or that selfless, universal love we express towards others and Storge, the unconditional love a parent and child might express towards one another. Agape is about showing love to all beings in an effort to bring about happiness and eliminate suffering. In order to achieve Agape, or unconditional love, we have to look beyond ego, to love others no matter what they do. Similarly Storge is the same type of love but specifically for your family rather than everyone else. If we were able to fully experience Storge and Agape kinds of love, wouldn’t life be great? Even if someone was abusing us mentally or emotionally, would it still be acceptable to love them unconditionally? Or is that not healthy for ourselves? Where is the line?
It might be hard to make that distinction between when to be completely unconditionally loving and protecting yourself from harm. But even then, do we always have to be unconditionally loving? Is it finite? Or is it timeless? Do certain circumstances change unconditional love due to timing or the type of experience? We only know how to communicate this unconditional love to others when the circumstances are right. The difference between simply loving someone and unconditional love is that when loving someone, we still have barriers of ego, judgement, fear, etc. that set our limits on how much we can stay invested in loving someone. Once these barriers have been breeched, it signals it is time to let go of that love for someone in order to protect ourselves. Unconditional love has no barriers.
Unconditional love is always there, whether we are connected to it or not. We can always choose it at any point. But this is a state of experiencing love without any pain. This state of mind is rarely experienced and often times can only be tapped into when on drugs or in deep states of meditation. While it is hard to achieve this state of mind, let alone stay in it for long periods of time, we can choose to tap into this state of mind when we see someone else in pain. For example, seeing someone get in an accident across the street, coming to their rescue with empathy and compassion allows us to be unconditionally loving while they are experiencing pain such as sadness, fear, and hurt. But it is really hard to express unconditional love from the perspective of the person in pain.
How can we reach this level of unconditional love? Do you unconditionally love yourself? Can you look yourself in the mirror and be proud, loving, caring, appreciative, and accepting of yourself? If the answer is no, that’s okay. It’s completely understandable and in fact quite common to find faults in ourselves because we save the biggest judgments for ourselves. If you want to become more unconditionally loving, we must first let go of the judgment, the guilt, the ego. Our values need to aligned with unconditionally loving ourselves and accepting all parts of ourselves. The process to achieve this state of mind is having empathy, forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, and finally gratitude.
Complete that process and you will not only be able to unconditionally love yourself but also unconditionally love others. Take the first step in expressing empathy for yourself. If you need a journal prompt, start with the Hawaiian phrase Ho’ opomopono:
I’m Sorry for….
Please forgive me for….
Thank you for…
I love you for…
Go forth and love unconditionally <3
“Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind.” - Theodore Roosevelt
